Kochprüfung, or the Perks of Being a Native English Speaker

This past Monday, I was invited to be a guest at one of my student's cooking exams at the HLW.


Short for Höhere Lehranstalt für wirstschafltiche Berufe (Higher School of Commercial Occupations), it used to be known...maybe 10 to 15 years ago...as the girls' school. More pejoratively put, the Knödel Akademie (Dumpling Academy) because the girls learned cooking, cleaning, hotel management, etc. for work in tourism-related jobs. Or how to be a cleaning lady or cook. Or just how to be a good Hausfrau. 


The boys, of course, went to the Gymnasium or the HAK - Handlesakademie (business academy), but these days, in our enlightened times, boys and girls are allowed to choose wherever they want to go to school. The Gymnasium is from ages 10-19, and is more or less an academic track that would include American middle school and high school, but is more rigorous: think AP (Advanced Placement) or IB (International Baccalaureate) classes, but without the "regular" option. The HLW has academic classes - but not as rigorous - and the students learn cooking (no more cleaning, thank God) and have either a foreign language concentration, a nutrition concentration, or a business management concentration. The HAK also has academic classes, but students also learn accounting, business management, leadership skills, and so forth. The HLW and HAK are meant to get students ready for a) a job right after graduation in their chosen field or b) university studies. So, these schools are more like high school + associates degree. This actually makes it easier for graduates of these schools to find a job abroad, especially the USA, considering they are basically a year ahead of anyone their age graduating from an American high school...something I should never have mentioned in class, because now they all want me to get them "in" to the USA - or at least they ask me endless questions about America.


On to the cooking exam! Each of the 4th year students at the HLW is supposed to do a cooking exam, a serving exam and an accounting exam as part of their diploma/graduation. In the fifth year, they then do language exams: German, French and English, with which they have the option of an oral or written exam. It's a great idea to split the exams between the two years, I think, because then the students aren't so stressed out they can't perform well. With the serving exam as well, they get the chance to do their exams in a foreign language, or just in German. 


That's where I come in - one of the girls in the 4A wanted to do her exam in English, so she invited me.


The table settings were chosen by each of the five girls doing their serving exams, and the food was prepared by each of their partners in the kitchen. We had a lovely aperitif (pear bellinis) and an appetizer, tomato bruchetta on olive ciabatta, before the servers came to introduce themselves. At the end of the meal, the cooks also introduced themselves. 


Being invited to the cooking exam is quite an honor in Amstetten. The mayor was at this one, as well as certain other dignitaries, local business people, and the former superintendent of schools for Lower Austria. Also, teachers and other community members are allowed to participate.


The menu: 

Schmankerteller aus der Region

(assorted regional specialties)

Karfiolcremesuppe mit Flambiertem Karottenconfit

(cream of cauliflower soup with flambéed carrot compote)

Pikant gefüllte Roulade von der Maishendlbrust

(spicy roast chicken breast)

Bärlauch-Eräpfeltaler

(fried potatoes with wild garlic)

Mostbirnpilzgröstl

(pear-mushroom ragout)

Dukatenbuchteln auf Vanillespiegel

 (yeast dumplings with vanilla custard)

Kaffeespezialitäten - Pharisäer

(coffee specialties - Irish coffee with rum and whipped cream)

A 2010 Riesling from the Weingut Stadt Krems was served with the meal. Everything was delicious and our server tried very hard to do everything bilingual. She got nervous and made a few mistakes, but I would give her and A for effort - knowing that she did something outside of her comfort zone, and put extra effort into her exam. Extra effort should always be rewarded.

One addenda: I felt very awkward at the meal because, although I made it very clear that I'm a vegetarian, I was still served chicken. Each of the five students cook and prepare the same menu (to keep it fair, I guess). And I understood this, and wanted to be nice about it, so I had a bit of the chicken, but pushed the rest around on my plate...which the person sitting next to me noticed. 

Oops. Austria is one of those countries where you are supposed to eat EVERYTHING on your plate, and to leave something behind is rude, and indicates that you don't like the food. Well, I was hoping to go unnoticed, but by that time, I didn't want to embarrass anyone, or become further embarrassed myself...by explaining dietary restrictions that hadn't seemed to bother me until then, right? I just said that I wasn't used to eating so much in one sitting (which I'm not - four courses is a lot) and told the students that it was very delicious. 

Which it was - especially the pear-mushroom ragout. And the wine! 

The Best American Short Stories of 2010

I recently finished a book I purchased in the O'Hare airport waiting for my plane to arrive as I prepared to return to Austria from Christmas at home.

Well, I have been reading other things in between. In my defense, I would like to say it took me so long to finish the collection because I wanted to savor each story - I didn't want to gorge myself of these stories and then have nothing left!

As a writer, I most identify with the short story form. I find novel writing tedious...a bit too much of a commitment. I never think of enough to say, and I like the impact a good short story can make. The brevity, the irony, and the element of surprise. Call me old-fashioned. Maybe I should have been born in the 19th century when O. Henry was running around making it big?

But, no. I hate 19th century literature. I mean, Dickens, for example. The guy didn't know when to shut up! Who gives a damn about the lace curtains? The wedding cake rotting on Miss Havisham's boudoir table? Answer: No one. Or Hawthorne. The Scarlet Letter - yawn! Stop. Moralizing. Every. Single. Character. Who are you, anyway, to presuppose your morality onto anyone else? Like you're so perfect. Or Melville? Moby Dick? Aside from being the punchline to some teenager's joke, what merit does it have in today's world? Whaling is evil, not whales.

Anyway, onto the CONTEMPORARY writing, of which I am very fond! These stories, it must be said, were also hit or miss. Unfortunately, I cannot agree with publishers of literary journals 100% of the time, and, well, Richard Russo (editor) did a pretty good job, but I still have a few bones to pick.

First, what I loved:

Safari - Jennifer Egan

Someone Ought to Tell Her There's Nowhere to Go - Danielle Evans

Delicate Edible Birds - Lauren Groff

Painted Ocean, Painted Ship - Rebecca Makkai

Further Interpretations of Real-Life Events - Kevin Moffet

All Boy - Lori Ostlund

The Seagull Army Descends on Strong Beach - Karen Russell

The Netherlands Lives with Water - Jim Shepard

And what I hated:

Donkey Greedy, Donkey Gets Punched - Steve Almond

The Cousins - Charles Baxter

The Laugh - Tea Obreht

The ones I loved relied on irony, twisting expectations, relationships, the beauty of a double entendre, and had fabulous characters I could relate to. They were each quite different in style and setting, but to me the style and setting matter little, as long as they are relevant to the content, well done and well researched (if the setting is historical), or well thought-out (if the setting is sci-fi or fantasy). I noticed quite a number of stories this year were set in the near future and had some sort of global warming hypothesis...sort of scary, since we're living it (or our children will live it) and pretty cool at the same time.

The ones I hated, I'll admit, maybe I didn't get. But they were either god-awful boring, had a stupid ending or just plain didn't make sense. I think Charles Baxter get into anthologies like these just because he's Charles Baxter. But I may be wrong.

The rest were more or less average, unmemorable or otherwise OK - nothing to report.

Farm der Tiere u. Tierisch gut

Trying to get some more exciting posts up here...the thing perhaps, is that I feel my social life is not spectacularly interesting...

This takes me back to about two weeks ago. The students in the 3rd form recently read Animal Farm and the play came to Amstetten - which means I got to see it!

I forgot how much I completely LOVE Animal Farm, seeing as I haven't read it since high school. But it is still one of my favorites. It's more...what shall I say? Satirical than 1984. I mean, it's less hit-you-over-the-head with doom and gloom and the destruction of modern civilization, etc. And plus, animals improve everything.


The acting troupe that put on Farm der Tiere was from Salzburg. And I must commend them on their great show: three actors, no set, no costumes - except that the three of them were each wearing white painters' pants and used the occasional prop to signify a character change - for example, Napoleon had sunglasses, Boxer had rolled-up sleeves, etc. There was a lot of physical humor, and some crudeness (like, one of the actors grabbed his crotch at one point...)  but, hey. They're playing animals. What do you want?

And then, later that week, I was invited to Klaus and Ilsa's choral concert. I went with one of the English teachers, Gabi, her friend, and her friend's parents. The audience was (unsurprisingly) mostly older people. And, now that they know I also sing, they're trying to get me to join the church choir. Well...they suggested I go to the practices. Which I am planning to do, as soon as I figure out when they practice. It's just a little confusing.

The concert was titled "Tierisch Gut" which referred to the choice of songs. All of them were about animals, with poems or stories about animals in between the songs. Many of the pieces were baroque, and performed a cappella. Very interesting.

One of the poems selected was...mildly amusing. About the love life of a wild boar named Horst. Who falls in love with another pig named Vanessa. And takes her out for a movie and ice cream. My one concern is this: who would name a pig Vanessa? Pigs should be named things like Tinkerbell. Or Roxy. Or not named at all if they are destined to be eaten. But then again, once named, a pig has a certain power over its captors - think Wilbur in Charlotte's Web or Babe. 


And, well, I felt vindicated when Gabi leaned over and whispered to me, "Vanessa? Would it have killed them to change the name?"

Wüstenblume

For one of my classes (in the 4th form), the students watched the movie Desert Flower about the life of supermodel Waris Dirie - based on Dirie's autobiography.

the REAL Waris Dirie

One word: AMAZING! This woman is an inspiration. The child of Sudanese goat herders, she was a victim of female circumcision (FGM - Female Genital Mutilation) at the age of 5, ran away from home at 13 because she was being forced into marriage to a man old enough to be her grandfather, and eventually ended up in London and was discovered by a photographer while working in a McDonald's. She became a model, and is currently a UN special ambassador to Africa. She has written five books, including her autobiography (also Dessert Flower) and begun the Waris Dirie Foundation which campaigns against FGM.

The film itself is in English, though it was produced in Germany, and Waris Dirie currently lives in Vienna. SO, you can imagine that it was much more successful here than in the US. A bit...shall I say chick-flick-y? And, um, more graphic than I can typically handle - I am really sensitive to violence. Which is a nice way of saying that I'm a big wimp. I had to fast forward through the genital mutilation scene. 

But its saving grace (aside from the powerful story itself, of course) is that she did not end up with the hot guy at the end (THANK YOU!! A WOMAN'S LIFE IS NOT INCOMPLETE BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT HAVE A HUSBAND!!!!!) although she does get married to this creepy janitor to become a legal British resident. She later divorces him when she gets her permanent residency card.

Also, the completely gorgeous Liya Kebede plays Waris - she is actually Ethiopian, however. Not Sudanese. Does that make a difference in the scheme of things? Perhaps to the purists among us. Also, you may not believe me, but I knew she was Ethiopian from her accent. Like the time in Ottawa where I just knew the desk clerk was Albanian. I could tell from his accent. I am very sensitive to speech patterns.

Another excellent (but also graphic - you've been warned) film is the African-produced Moolaadé, which also deals with FGM and give a very real cultural perspective, and sheds light on this important women's rights issue. Mooladé is less, um...professional than what an American audience is used to in a feature film, but don't let that stop you! 

I am to present a lesson on the film in one week...this is going to be interesting! The class is ALL girls, so I'm hoping they will have lots and lots and lots to say.

The Kite Runner!

OK, I had wanted to post this earlier (thus the exclamation point...I somehow had a theme going...), but time ran away from me...and I went to Prague. But this is still relevant information pertaining to my incredibly exciting and fulfilling life in Amstetten! Well...you can be the judge.


For one of the English classes (5th form), the students recently read The Kite Runner.  Never having read it, but sort of wanting to, I decided to catch up with them and read it myself...also, the teacher strongly recommended that I read it so I could follow along in class.


I was not disappointed. Touching, memorable, well-written and easy to follow, I found myself intrigued and enlightened by the story. Although it was a little forced at times (i.e. Hassan being pure good and Assef being pure evil), the story ultimately explores relationships, devotion, redemption, and the human soul.

I can say that I found Amir (the main character) a complete spoiled brat and a wimp. Unsurprisingly, so did the students. What I found more impressive than the novel was the idea that a bunch of 19-year-olds could read a complex, 350+ page novel in a foreign language and come up with enlightened, meaningful things to say about the characters, the plot, and the overall concept of the novel. You would never in a million years find that in a German class in the US. In my high school, we covered verb conjugation and adjective endings. No literature, no cultural musings. Nothing. Zip. Zero.

Which is totally why students in the US don't take foreign languages...or don't take them seriously...and don't like them when they do take them. You get the boring stuff in school, and then maybe - just maybe - if you take a 300-levelish course at university, you can get something like Faust to analyze to death. Well, OK, as a German major I read a hell of a lot more than just Faust, but think of all the people who casually take a foreign language. They never get past Ich heisse John and Wo sind die Toiletten? and Das ist gleich um die Ecke and useless shit like that.

So, to make a long rant short(er), keep literature in the classroom. Kids eat it up. They crave it. Their souls yearn for an explanation of the human soul - that only literature can provide - and they're never going to get it otherwise because they barely know where to look for it. Give the kids what they want before they burst all their braincells on Facebook.

Week 2: Und so weiter...

Well, around Wednesday this week, I was hit by a particularly yucky head cold, and have thus been MIA on the WWW...three whole days, I know! It's almost unthinkable, isn't it?

However, until my BVA card (Austrian insurance card that gives me access to the fabulous Socialist health care system) comes in, I can't go to the doctor. I mean, I can, but then I would have to pay a premium. Which, sorry, I don't want to. At least not unless one of my limbs is endangered or something. So, with two weeks left to wait until it comes in the mail, I have been downing vitamin C tablets and green tea and blowing my nose at 5 minute intervals. In between English instruction. Because, according to the Fulbright handbook, I need a doctor's excuse to skip school.

No biggie, actually, since this week was my easy week. But I am reminded of the last time I was in Europe for more than two weeks (well, that would have been the last time I was in Europe) and I got sick in Bratislava in September. Which was actually worse, because I was on vacation, and supposed to be enjoying myself. And I didn't speak the language, so I was extra petrified of going into an Apotheke and asking for what could be aspirin...or could be some hallucinogenic drug, for all I know of Slovakian. And you know what I blame? The disgusting Soviet-era hotel we stayed at because it was super cheap, but also super groaty. Like, they hadn't cleaned the rooms since 1979...well, the bell boy said the place would probably be demolished by that time next year...don't know if it was.

He also said something like, "American girls? Very nice. You like disco?" every time we left or entered the hotel. Maybe he thought that was welcoming...

So...yes. Am recouping nicely. In my own bed. Miles away from any Slovakian hotel or bell boy. Thank God.

At school, the kids have been...your average teenagers. I introduced myself to a new group almost every day. But by Friday, they had all heard about me, so I didn't even need to introduce myself. It was actually very creepy to know that they had been talking about me. Must get used small-town mentality. Everyone likes to gossip, right? And when you get fresh fodder...

Canterbury Tales -- Here's a Whopper

One of my first teaching assignments - aside from introducing myself - has been (as the house native speaker, of course) to listen to the 4th Form's presentations on Canterbury this week.  They went for a Sprachwoche two weeks ago and stayed with English families from Sunday to Sunday to improve their English (of course) but also to do these projects, which were basically PowerPoint presentations on 1) surveys they handed out to Canterburians on basically whatever they wanted.

Lucky Ducks! I say. I want to go to Canterbury for a week to work on my English! That's one better than the other 4th form class, who went to London (sorry, Londoners, I don't dig...)

Like, seriously. My high school foreign language classes never got to go anywhere. Not even to Montreal, even though I begged the French club. And set up a bake sale three years in a row. To what avail? We made enough to cover the cost of buying T-shirts. Whoopee.

So, yeah, these Austrian teenagers have it pretty good. And their English is good (way better, I'd say, than any average American teen's German -- *suppressed chortle*) Nevertheless, they could stand some improvement. I mean, they are not always intelligible...

For example, they love putting double negatives in (I think they're confusing French and English for some reason) and "None of the questioners wanted to comment on the Queen" becomes "None of the questioners don't can comment on the Queen" which...well, go figure.

And when I brought this to their attention, they got all defensive, like, "This is our first real English presentation!" To which the teacher said, "Yes, and if you had been presenting a business idea to English clients, they would have laughed you out of the seminar room." SO...meanwhile, I feel that my correcting their English was somewhat nicer put. Maybe? I mean, if that's typical Austrian teacher-student intercourse, then hell, I can say whatever I want to them, right?

Maybe not. Because, at the end of the day, even if the students are used to abuse, I'm not Austrian, so I can't contribute.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH-ientation (this has nothing to do with pirates)

OK, so, I was not completely honest about all of my experience during Orientation week. What can I say?

There are a lot of things I could say. There are a lot of things I shouldn't say. There are things that I want to say that will be perceived as mean and/or bitchy, so (seeing as this is a blog and basically everyone in the world with internet access can see anything I write) I will refrain from being utterly candid, a trap I can so easily fall into. Anyone who knows me well enough knows how frighteningly honest I am when I get on a roll.

But that is neither here nor there. First, I will not bitch about people, because, as Mom always says, it's not nice, and you can get bad karma from being mean to people. Plus, no one reading this blog knows any of the people I met at my orientation, so none of you will care anyway. Suffice it to say that I had a hell of a time relating to people who wanted to compare regional accents, and insisted on laughing at me whenever I said any word with a vowel in it, because, naturally, being from Wisconsin, I said things funny. Like "Wisconsin" and "bag" and "vacation." Go figure.

Also, it was not just Americans, but also lots of teaching assistants from the UK who (sometimes) automatically think their way of pronouncing things is "better" or  - at the very least - correct. Who cares? I am not going to alter my speech patterns for you, so shove it. Plus, there are better thing to talk about than long a's and schwa sounds...for God's sake, hasn't anyone ever heard of a thing called an idea? A philosophy? Which may or may not be part of a discussion? One I would much rather be a part of than this stupid regional accent thing. Also, no one cares what part of the island you're from. It's all the same damned thing - Northampton, Southampton, Leisthechire, Otherchire...I did not grow up there, and the subtlety of what you're trying to tell me about your regionalisms is lost on an ignoramus like me (American regionalisms, by the way, pale in comparison to the difference between Leeds and Manchester, apparently). And, dear God, Wales is not England and never has been. So there. Oh, one last thing: no one knows (or cares) where Green Bay is on the map, and no one has ever heard of the Packers, or Brett Favre - says the guy from New Jersey, who is probably just looking to get laid.

Can you tell I get a bit nervous around British people? I have a hard time relating.

So then. Now that I have that off my chest, it was actually a very nice week and I met many nice and interesting people, and plenty of them were from England. But there were basically two levels of culture shock going on: American relating to Austria, and American relating to the English (in Austria) and when I was on my own, I felt slightly better. Because no matter where they come from, people are weird. And if you are not used to different ways of behaving, it is doubly difficult. Also, might I add, some of the English students are doing their study abroad term in Austria with the Ministry of Education (AND getting paid the same as I am, might I add!!!!!) which means they are slightly younger, and probably have no idea how good they have it.

So, anyway. I will take more of Mom's advice and think positive thoughts. Good thoughts. Only decent thoughts. Be nice to people. Even if it kills me.