Wiener Schmäh

FALSCH!

There's something about Vienna - its gloomy February days where, sometimes, the clouds roll in for weeks at a time, making the narrow streets denser, darker, more Medieval - that contributes to that certain, characteristic Viennese sense of humor.


Referred to as Wiener Schmäh by the locals, this gallows humor is melancholy, sarcastic, and just often enough, mean. The term comes from the German verb schmähen which means "to abuse, taunt; to vilify someone." The mentality is said to stem from the working-class denizens of the 19th century who had a more or less Dickensian look on life. Well, can you blame them? Dickens knew what he was writing about! He does have an adjective named after him.

Part of this is evident in what Freud liked to call Schadenfreude, that is, feeling good about yourself when someone else is suffering. Austrians like this. They also like correctness. By that, I mean they like being right. It gives them a sense of self-satisfaction. In fact, a typically Austrian habit is having things your way. Just like at Burger King. 


In the mind of an Austrian, there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything. Their way is right, yours is wrong. However, it is justifiable to do things your "wrong" way, as long as you follow the Austrian's "right" way rules: thus enters bureaucracy! I would argue this can be traced back to the Habsburgs. All that empire hoopla.  I can't even remember how many times I've been told, "You're doing it wrong," by an Austrian. From how I pronounce my "ä"s to what type of cake I order at a cafe - yes, I am getting a slice of Linzertorte because that is what I like. You are not going to eat it, so shut up. It's still a free country, even if socialist (joke!) - everything seems to be up for grabs. 

Linzer Torte

 Unfortunately, I seem to have adopted a bit of that cynicism. Maybe it's because I'm getting over a cold. Maybe it's because the weather turned from below zero temperatures (Fahrenheit) for weeks on end to being in the 30's and 40's within a few days - should make me happy, but my sinuses are disagreeing - but I've been feeling a little geschmäht recently. A little victimized. A tad, wee bit under the weather - in the grumpy sense of the phrase. In fact, I've been a regular cynical grouch. I'll just have to wait for something bad to happen to someone else, and then I'll feel better.

Week 2: Und so weiter...

Well, around Wednesday this week, I was hit by a particularly yucky head cold, and have thus been MIA on the WWW...three whole days, I know! It's almost unthinkable, isn't it?

However, until my BVA card (Austrian insurance card that gives me access to the fabulous Socialist health care system) comes in, I can't go to the doctor. I mean, I can, but then I would have to pay a premium. Which, sorry, I don't want to. At least not unless one of my limbs is endangered or something. So, with two weeks left to wait until it comes in the mail, I have been downing vitamin C tablets and green tea and blowing my nose at 5 minute intervals. In between English instruction. Because, according to the Fulbright handbook, I need a doctor's excuse to skip school.

No biggie, actually, since this week was my easy week. But I am reminded of the last time I was in Europe for more than two weeks (well, that would have been the last time I was in Europe) and I got sick in Bratislava in September. Which was actually worse, because I was on vacation, and supposed to be enjoying myself. And I didn't speak the language, so I was extra petrified of going into an Apotheke and asking for what could be aspirin...or could be some hallucinogenic drug, for all I know of Slovakian. And you know what I blame? The disgusting Soviet-era hotel we stayed at because it was super cheap, but also super groaty. Like, they hadn't cleaned the rooms since 1979...well, the bell boy said the place would probably be demolished by that time next year...don't know if it was.

He also said something like, "American girls? Very nice. You like disco?" every time we left or entered the hotel. Maybe he thought that was welcoming...

So...yes. Am recouping nicely. In my own bed. Miles away from any Slovakian hotel or bell boy. Thank God.

At school, the kids have been...your average teenagers. I introduced myself to a new group almost every day. But by Friday, they had all heard about me, so I didn't even need to introduce myself. It was actually very creepy to know that they had been talking about me. Must get used small-town mentality. Everyone likes to gossip, right? And when you get fresh fodder...