Wie bleibe ich Feministin?

Recently I read an article in the Salzburger Nachrichten about this woman who wrote a book about being a feminist in Austria.

Yeah. That was my question: is this even possible?

Oy vey. That's what I have to say. Feminists are hard to come by. Everything seems male-dominated and run by assholes. Not that I'm being critical, or judgmental, or generalizing. But, seriously. It's, like, a Catholic thing.

And before you jump all over me, I was raised Catholic. And think about it: priests are the ones who get to do the cool things. The nuns get to a) sit around in their cloisters and knit sweaters for orphans b) teach or c) become nurses - and many Catholic hospitals and schools are going all secular (probably because they can't find enough nuns to employ...)

So, this brings me to my point. Feminism - is it dead? I will give you and example.

Recently, one of the topics in class was maternity leave. A comparison between American and Austrian legality issues for the new mother. One of the teachers was telling me before class what a feminist she was, and how she was so interested in this topic. So I told the class what I know about American maternity leave - that women only get 12 weeks paid leave after they have a child, and most working women put their babies in daycare when the babies are still quite young. In contrast, Austrian women get 16 weeks maternity leave directly before and after the birth of the child, and up to 2 years off after they give birth - and they have job security during those two years.

SO...I was telling the class about my own mother, to illustrate (with an example) the types of expectations American women have...at least, what the situation was like in the 80's when my mother was giving birth...and  that both my sister and I were born prematurely, so my mom had to take unpaid leave to take care of us - and my Grandma came to live with us for a while after I was born.

Women who want to spend more time with their kids (like, for example, before they reach school age) and don't like the system  - 12 weeks if you're lucky - end up having to choose between being a mother and having a career. Something Austrian women (because they have so much time off - AND job security) don't have to worry about.

Afterward, the teacher told me about her own children (who are now basically the same age as my sister and me - not exactly babies anymore) and how she could never imagine leaving them with strangers when they were 6 months old or whatever - it was just unthinkable - and that she took 4 years off total to be with her children. And she would have missed their childhood, unable to forgive herself, had she not taken the time off.

That's all well and good. I'm glad for you, honey.

The thing is, I don't think she got the whole "cultural differences" thing. Like, duh, the whole reason we were discussing this was because there is a distinct difference in the way two countries treat mothers (and, I guess, women in general) and if you don't get that (and inadvertently condemn someone like my wonderful mother without knowing all the facts), then why the hell would you use that as a discussion topic in class???? And are you really a feminist if you're condemning other women?

At least I know this: if and when I have kids, if I am living in the United States, (the idea is becoming less and less appealing the more time I spend outside of the US...) I will probably do what my mother did, rather than compromise my career. Because having a career - and intellectual pursuits outside of motherhood - is something very important to me.  I think I would always feel incomplete if I stayed at home and baked cookies or whatever. I mean, that's a stereotype and all, but...well, stay-at-home moms do not have the same types of lives or priorities that working women do. That's just a given. And, for God's sake, my undergraduate degree cost roughly $120,000. An chunk of change like that would keep Donna Reed in pearls and pumps for life (if you consider the 1950's dollar, rather than the 2010 dollar - it's all just a fantasy anyway).

Now, if I'm living in a country that has, oh, I don't know...comprehensive care for mothers, and job security after giving birth for up to 2 years (a place like Austria, for example) that is an entirely different story. I would basically not have to make a compromise.

Apples to oranges.